"if you want them to stop lying to you, present the idea of safety to them so they can feel comfortable coming clean to you." wow Dr K is a saint!

Dr. K -- "What's at stake..." Chat -- *STEAK*

talking about lowering the consequences to make them tell the truth, I didn't realise why but this is exactly why it's pointless to get mad at people. you can't use force with everything in life, sometimes you need people on your side, and for you to be on their side too. sometimes the only way to get what you need is to respect the other person and be civil

“You create a safe space and then you stab them in the back hahaha” -Harvard educated Therapist, 2021 In all honesty these videos are super interesting and I think that they are very valuable to a lot of people, including me

Detecting lies is something you get better at naturally when you get lied to a lot. I used to be pretty naïve and I tended to take people's words at face value. But if you combine that with "always wanting to help" then you get taken advantage of a lot. Now I don't want to stop wanting to help, so I had to learn how to seperate the bullshit from the truthful to find out who is worth helping.

"Is your gut tuned well or do you have social anxiety and insecurity?" Where my "gut feeling is accurate but social anxiety and insecurity prevents you from trusting it" gang at.

In a work environment I lie to my boss if I think he treats his people unfair and harsh when I make a mistake. If my boss is direct, honest and rational I'd admit a mistake instantly.

This stuff is helping me resolve some of my own issues since I have a lack of ability to get mental care, and I really need this kind of stuff. I was homeless for two years, as well as having my fiance that I dated for four years left me and exposed their cheating with two others at the same time, just a week shy of our four year aniversary. What honestly really fucks with me was the fact that they cited my lack of a high school diploma, yet all the reason I didnt have it at the time was the lack of 150 dollars to pay for the test. They instead paid 300+ to create a trip for me to just break my heart. Please dont stop making these videos, I have been desperately needing this, and been close to suicide in recent times. This is pulling me far in the other direction. Thank you!

i'm glad that i'm pretty tolerant of consequences. telling the truth is so much easier than lying

The moment he was telling a story, pausing to look at chat and went "I dont really know what your talking about Im just gonna keep telling the story" was the most cliche dad story telling thing I can imagine

While playing dark souls every death would take out a little bit out of me until I learned to let go of the consequences. Then, all that remained was enjoying the process and every mistake instead of seeing it as failing once again to reach the goal. This video was a great complement to that idea.

I went through being a pathological liar for my entire life up until 2 years ago, i thought the same, if i told them now it would be over, i convinced everyone in my school from grade 7 onwards to 3 years out of highschool when i made a post about everything ive done, i lied about who my father was, i lied about what ive done and who ive been with, who ive seen, everything you can think of, and i started to believe a lot of it, and once i realized what i have done, i wanted out, for several years i kept the story up just in fear, some of the worst years of my life, but i opened up to someone a used to be close friend, and they forgave me, they didnt shame me, as i was already balling my eyes out; profusely saying sorry, that night i made a post on FB because thats where i could reach everyone, and made a 5 paragraph explanation of how im a fuck up, and how i dont deserve to be forgiven for what ive done, every comment was tear jerking as people forgave me, i did have one person not forgive me which was to be expected looking back on it, but my closest friends they were hurt understandably, i lied about everything i dont know what i didnt lie about, even the way i acted was a lie as i had to hold so much in the air i never got to relax, but over time, they forgave me and i dont know how to explain what this freedom feels like, its feels better then you could hope thats all i know, maybe i got off easy because everyone im my entire school had known what i had gone through with my family, but all i know is that id rather live in the alone pain i thought i would have been left in, then the pain i created, last thoughts, do it becuase at least you can be yourself, and if everyone leaves you; you can say at least im working to be a better person then continue live knowingly as a morally bad one

Lying is one of my biggest pet peeves. I already have trust issues from my parents divorce(I was 10 when it happened). So in my past relationships I would not tolerate it what so ever. Well the more relationships I got into the more I found out everyone lies. So I had to figure out how to forgive as well. Now I've been married for ten years this October. With two amazing boys. Who also lie haha. One of the worst feelings I've had is being lied to by someone I trust and respect.

The way he treats his kids is amazing it makes me so happy to see how gentle he is

Siblings watching this video: *interesting*

I've a real problem with people that lie to me. I did quit couple of friendships because those "friends" did lie too often for my liking. It is not even the fact that they lie, it is more the fact that they always think I am dumb enough to not realize the lies. I hate it so much. I alwas confront those people and their lies with evidence and they still deny it even tho there is lots of evidence and proofs for it that they did. This shit drives me mad every time. I can not have people around me that are like that.

LOL, The part where you create a safe space then get their answer and decide if you can sit with it. I legit did this with my ex but I didn't think of it as being manipulative, I just wanted him to be honest because I was tired of holding space for him only for him to cheat on me again and again. When I said, "Well, I do wish you the best". He got incredibly mad at me and he called me manipulative cause I manipulated that answer out of him and now you're saying he's right for calling me manipulative, well shit lol. Edit: And omg, this puts things in perspective so much... when it came to my ex. He was very high conseq avoidant even about the tiniest of things!

As a former pathological liar, Dr. K really hits the spot with this video. Especially the part where he says lying was a way of control. Something that I never really thought of.

Gotta love starting the day strong with the new Dr. K video!

Wow, Dr. K. Watching this made me understand myself more... I was seeing an addiction therapist pre-covid for a couple of months and this alone helped me more than that handful of appointments...thank you.

Thank you for your excellent insights, Dr. K.

Rolling high insight is extremely worthwhile when seeking out lies. Also if any of you are not willing to accept the consequences of your actions that should be a very high priority for you to level up in life. Your bosses/partners will value you quite a bit more.

I feel so proud that i realized most of this before watching this video, it feels great to know i was right about some of this, i love this channel.

This was very enjoyable and refreshing lecture from K

Just watched the whole thing. That was super interesting, thanks for the video

I am a medical student, that in the end was so refreshing. Thanks Dr K, I am struggling a bit with my exams and internships. That helps a lot

Thank you for the great lecture! Covid-times has given quite interesting recommendations recently though I'm glad that it did. I'm a soon-to-be graduating medical doctor and your talk touched a lot of strings in myself which could be very relevant for personal life as well as for patient approach. Greetings from Sweden

Thank you for all your amazing content.

I love this guy so much man.

I'm making this comment before I watch. I have to go through a lot of E paperwork of "physical interventions" that happened to me when I was a kid (12-16). I started reading a few the other night and quickly became emotional. I was feeling fear, self doubt, anger and regret. Some of what I read was written to put me in a bad light falsely claiming i was attempting to cause harm to (a select few) members of staff. Other forms were written as I wasn't obeying the wishes of the staff and that they "had to" or "had no choice but too" do what they did. I only got through nine of the countless. One of them that I read reminded me of when i DID lash out at a (female/liked(non sexually) member of staff my first thought was to doubt the report. Then I started overthinking the rest as "what if I DID do X action". Just thought I'd get this out seeing as "lies" was the video theme. youtube is a lifesafer thankyou Dr.K for giving me an outlet when instead I'd be trying to act as if I never even had problems. It's easier to just lay in bed and wait for Covid to be over so I can get back to getting my life on track but studying my mental programming has helped and I have found a lot of my gaming habits even come back to reliving trauma in an attempt to heal it (anger as a joke with the hope of a laugh/Please dont hurt me) (or maybe I'm reaching with thtat link i have no idea I heard it was something Brains did)

I'm taking psychology for my senior year, next year and this was so insightful. Getting really excited for my classes

Great conversation. For getting rid of the black background on the lettering, try highlighting and pressing (CTRL + Space). It should convert the text to normal text with no highlight (for a PC).

I have been binging these videos and they are all fascinating

Dr. K totally recommended we lie and then recanted. I'm with you Dr. K, do what you can to get the truth.

It is not even lying that bothers me. What bothers me is that people who seem obviously insincere and dishonest are often the ones who have respect, friends, relationships and successes. There has to be some good explanation for this. Perhaps I am not even criticising the people but the system that facilitates this. Most of my successes in life came about when I was a dishonest person. I got great experiences, friendships and relationships out of it. The moment I pursued being "me" was the moment my life fell apart. I barely have friends that I can confidently rely on, most women find me creepy/weird, my opportunities have dried up and I feel generally negative. I find it frustrating but it is what it is. Currently, I am slowly on my way back to being a dishonest and manipulative asshole.

Aite excellent analysis glad I found this channel

These videos about lying are very enlightening to me, as I have lied about as an addict. My man taught me about telling the truth and I am his safe place. He's suicidal af. It's nice being in the loop... Not him isolating. And I've cheated. I've been forgiven. I am a better person now. I have BPD.... Among other things, I'm i DBT therapy now and am trying to grasp meditation. Thank you for everything sir.

"How do I impose the consequence without them lying?" Yess thank you!

Amazing content Dr. K!

Chat being visible for these types of videos is perfect.

I litterly can't stop myself impulsively lying to my friends during social events not due to facing the consequenses, but to make myself noticable or trying to impress them.

I think a relationship should be about whether it is benefitting both sides, and work things out when it isn't.

"Have an opiate problem and has ADHD." Oh, breaking the 4th wall and speaking directly to me now? Damn Dr K., youre good.

"Rejection does not destroy!" ~ Dr. K

Dr “but do you play hearthstone?” K

fantastic episode!

One of the most important body language indicators is saying something affirmative, while shaking the head 'no.' It goes along with what you mentioned about discongruent affect. The mind and body should be in sync.

This stream reminds me of the "I see you. Use your power for good." story that Dr. K told about his professor mentoring him. Listen to the man, folks. But use this power for good!

Dr. K is now what I want to be in the future. I'm graduating in Psychology, hardcore gamer... And even the hair is similar!

Moralizing lying turns it into a vice towards someone's self image. For whatever reason whether it's social media or growing up being verbally abused, self image and ego is something to be very protective of. And egotistical liars are hard to nail because even without substantial consequences like revoking privileges, they always have an interest in lying to maintain image. Something we can do is manipulate the liar by trying to convince them that what they did is cool, smart, or in other words virtuous along with taking out consequence from the equation.

"First you create a safe space and then you just stab em in the back" ~Dr K. Absolute words to life by, manipulate the manipulator

I only ever feel like a shitty person when I listen to psychological videos like this. Either is bringing to light something I’ve always known about myself, if it’s a form of self manipulation or a phenomenon like mirroring another’s behavior when you are around them.

8:36 well.... its important to evaluate what a high/low consequence is for that person.... bc ego plays a pretty big role in lying too...

Commenting to boost this video in the algorithm!

Something I think is *very* important to note is that, even if it is not about cheating... If you want this person to stop lying to (or ommiting things from) you, you *must* keep that safe space open at all times - not only when you ask them to come clean for the first time. It doesn't work if you hold it in for 5 minutes and then yell at them as much as it doesn't work if you are going to throw that on their face every single time you have an opportunity, or if the next time they tell you the truth you spiral out of control. I am not saying it is your obligation to help them, to tolerate that, or anything of the sort - but if you don't want them to simply go back to lying out of fear, this is important.

Recent sub. Really enjoy these insights

This video made me realize I lie way more than I think I do

That emote is so good, somehow it kept me more engaged because of the shit people write

Hey Dr. K, I'm sorry if you've covered this before (new to the channel), but I was wondering if you could do something on the concept of post-traumatic growth? While many people will experience trauma at some point in their lives, not everyone who goes through trauma experiences post-traumatic growth. Could you do something on what factors (both internal and external) predispose some people to experiencing post-traumatic growth while other people do not, and how people who are going through or coming off of a traumatic experience can try to change how they process the experience so that they experience post-traumatic growth rather than reacting more negatively?

You gave me a lot of perspective as to why someone is slandering me currently

This was one of the best twitch chats ever.

Few seconds in an minds already blown holy crap

Very interesting. I met a girl who have lied a lot for no reason. The stange thing is that I'm very open minded, a natural listenner, and I kindly offered her a way to escape her lies which was telling the truth without me being judgmental, just me listening. But she never told the truth (it wasn't even about cheating...)

My heart and soul melt every time one of his kids are on stream, they are criminally cute!

This channel is like a senior level psychology course

This makes me view the reason why my pathological liar "friend" used to lie all the time, he was very controlling and manipulative and i guess he did want controll all the time and how we viewed him.

My problem with this is when the person with the financial stability is the one cheating and lying. The person you're trying to help is still required to pull their shit together alone, if they can't support themselves.

I am thinking of a scenario where the police have arrested an innocent person and are charging them with murder. Obviously, the consequences are VERY high, so by this model, the more they defend themselves, the more they are perceived to be lying. What could a person in this position say to the authorities? I suppose nothing. "Ah, you say that you did NOT kill that person. Sounds like something a killer would say."

30:00 omg my heart, widepepohappy,

If you have anxiety about you coming off as guilty when you’re not, or if you’re brain decides it wants to sabotage you, then you might laugh and smile at an inconvenient time too. He did say when dealing with small consequence it more likely to happen though, so I guess that does cover that issue.

Dr. K's chat is hella cute. Good environment.

sometimes I lie before I even think about it, just spoke too soon, and then it's just easier to keep it up. sometimes I say something, and then realize it might've been a dream and I'm actually unsure, but easier to let it stay. I can't stand lying on purpose bc it's too stressful and I live life in a way it's not necessary to keep things light and simple.

I know this already. it's easy to see through people.

In order to get somebody to tell the truth, lie to them. Got it, thanks Dr K

Dr K would u ever consider making a lecture about "Anger" or "Rage"? I want to know what is your perspective about that 🤔 Edit: also what is hate really about?

Also the big problem with lying is how alot of people see it as if its not a big deal . For me personally i really hate people who lie ive even ended friendships after finding out when a particular person lied to me about something . In my opinion we should really shame people who lie and adults should raise their kids knowing that there are big consequences for lying . But one thing that made me think was when you said ``if you want them to stop lying to you, present the idea of safety to them so they can feel comfortable coming clean to you`` that idea works perfectly well when it comes to smaller things like a sibling stealing a cookie from you .

Here's a thought: Reassuring someone (especially when done excessively) is a way of avoiding predicted consequences. (At least) two conditions can cause someone to reassure you: - They're guilty and they're lying to get away with it. - They're innocent but afraid of the consequences because they have a lot of anxiety. To tell the two apart, ask yourself whether they reassure you excessively across a broad range of situations. If they're anxious they predict bad consequences everywhere and try to manage them. If they're guilty they only predict bad consequences about the one thing they're guilty about.

Soap: I'm basically solid cause you threw in that lie

i dated someone last year, and whenever they'd make excuses, i felt like they were just making shit up, and i confronted her everytime about it, and at the end she always caved and told me im right, and that she is making shit up, or excuses, i Was really proud of that about myself, she asked everytime how do i know, but then now thinking about it, i think thats the worst thing anybody can do, cause it just made me not trust anyone im with, now i always feel like the person im talking to is bullshitting me everytime they make an excuse or some shit, i still wonder if i was actually right when i knew she was lying, or if she just said that i was to make me happy so i'd shut up

Jobs like paladins, crusaders, tankers are less likely to lie because they have a high damage resistance. So they don't quite have to control the consequences of others (attacks) because they can handle it. Jobs like thief and archer, high dex, who can do burst damage, are more likely to lie because their damage resistance are low

people dont always need a reason to lie

Hey Dr. K, what you said at 24 minutes was SO TRUE! What is your favorite diablo game btw?

I love the Polo and scrubs look. Busy man.

So I think that often times my words and expressions are discongruent. I sometimes laugh at bad things that happened to me. I used to be stone faced most of the time in my teens and early 20's. I feel like sometimes when I am telling the truth people are suspicious about my words or they might think that I am lying. I think most of the time that I come close to lying its more of I keep quiet unless approached then I come clean. Sometimes I question myself if I am telling the truth because sometimes I get an awkward smile when talking about things. And I don't know why I get the awkward smile and I question myself on the matter that I am talking about. Because I am wearing a mask people may not always be able to tell that I have this awkward smile. I think I am truthful almost all the time. There have probably been a few occasions where I didn't tell the truth but I can't think of any at the moment. But I mean I told my neighbor that I hit their car with a hammer, that was hard but I still told the truth. Although I have not been officially diagnosed and I don't stim, I think there is a high chance that I am Autistic.

That ending story reminds me of that manhwa Medical Return.

thank you now i can ace every l.a.noire mission

was gonna make a joke comment but the second half of this hit me too hard even though I don't lie, like about facing your fears of consequences

I need this guy's help so bad

The older I get, the more I can handle consequences and would rather be truthful than lie to the people I care about.

Chance of lying = consequences - ability to deal with consequences

The stundent will always surpass his master because the stundent knows deep down that he is not the master. if you realise you can make mistakes you risk more and learn more. For me in League of legends once i established in my personality that I AM GOOD i stopped improving and started blaming.

That last part, didn’t think it would apply to me but... as someone with bpd it does.

Your Aoe healing is like gift from heaven.

Im a pathological liar, when he said that i am a fuck up idk why but it really slapped me in my face thanks doc

Brilliant.

Holy shit, 45 seconds in and my mind is already blown.

21:55 this is an interesting stance. Jordan Peterson said in one of his videos that he is "not exactly sure that you get to cheat and *then come clean about it* ". And I kinda agree. Comming clean about it is a double edged sword.

6:04 Way to have 0 accountability There is a pressure to lie due to consequences And pressure to tell the truth is integrity The difference on integrity is how you weight honesty. Two people facing the same consequence can make a different choice. That’s a difference in integrity.

you have to acknowledge where you are in order to go where you want. Now thats gold

Here is the thing with lying: There are sometimes good to lie for the sake of not hurting your loved ones or you don't want them to worry about you because they're already dealing with so much on their end, and then there's lying for the sake of getting what you want for yourself. The thing with lying is that it's an endless bottom. If you lie about something the first time, in the future you'll have to lie more to cover up about your previous lies. Eventually, you're not going to remember which lie you said to connect with what, and people are going to catch your lies.