Story 1 NTA the ex obviously is hostile and can't be trusted to be civil even for the wedding. Story 2 NTA OP doesn't need a do over wedding. Her family need to ask themselves why she left them out of her wedding. Story 3 OP is NTA for choosing the better behaved niece as a flower girl. You can't risk having a child that could have a melt down during the wedding. The child will be hurt but it's OP's choice.

Story 1: ex released the flying monkeys (your family)-they don't realize it. Stay the course. Story 2: if your respective families don't like the spouse now, why have a do-over on the wedding? What will make things different? Story 3: its your wedding. Find niece #2 another task so she can be part of the ceremony. Maybe trying to make sure it is just her might help. Story 4: yta. Pregnancy changes a woman's body. Not all of us have a body that will snap back into place like elastic and working out more or harder doesn't always fix it. And surgery isn't always an option.

The daughter accused him of playing favourites. And then played favourites. It’s not ok for the dad to not invite the mum but it’s perfectly fine for the mum to not invite the dad

I understand her at some level. Her step sister got to have her wedding there and the restraining order is over with so she doesn’t see why he is saying no. To her this is favoritism and she is hurt so that’s why she acted this way.

@@harveylunt4613 I kindly disagree. This wasnt playing favorites, this was putting his and his wife protection over the kid wants. Sure, she might see it as favoritism because the mom weaponized her or because OP was goof and didn't tell her about the restraining order. Also, what OP's wife? It's her home as well, and I doubt her or OP would want the family who harrass them in their place.

@@strikeforce1500 : Yeah, I don’t get the attitudes here either. In the first post she wasn’t even originally planning on having the wedding at OP’s house until COVID happened and the venue closed down. Now it’s an issue? But I think the need for a restraining order in the past tells you where the toxic behaviour is coming from. OP offered daughter a generous amount to source another venue, plus facilities outside so they can lock up the house and stop any potential offending parties from gaining access to the house. She’s refused everything. Let’s not forget the stepdaughter’s wedding was two years ago when the COVID disruption wasn’t an issue, but now it has circumstances have changed and OP’s daughter is being unreasonable.

Mom is egging her on, screw her.

That sounds like parental alienation.

@@danacarter9147 i think this ist exactly what's Happening

Exactly!! And who in their right mind allows people they took an RSO out on into their home and having free reign of their house especially since nothing has changed given the way the ex and family went straight back to attacking the guy??? If he had said yes he wouldn't have been able to relax and enjoy the wedding as I'd be worried about the ex and her family going through the house and smashing and/or stealing his possessions. It's sad but given the history that was a trainwreck waiting to happen; and daughters turning out exactly like her mom, unless she can get away from her influence he may never have a relationship with her but that's not his fault.

@@LHSpartan007 sucks when parents do that to a child; my parents split and my mom I can't remember saying anything nasty to me and siblings about my dad, whereas my dad was the opposite especially when they argued bad mouthing my mom to anyone that would listen and his family giving my mom crap because of it. As we got older I made the decision to pretty much cut him out of my life based on his actions and NOT on anything my mom had said against him. It's disgusting and shameful when one parent tries to poison a child against the other parent. Hopefully the daughter will one day realise how toxic her mom is and that her father loves her by what I can tell from the story

@@Miltz69 I hope the daughter does, too. If the daughter and her husband have a kid, her husband becomes manipulative, or worse, abusive, and poisons their kid against her, that would perpetuate a vicious cycle.

I dont feel bad for him. I think he was an idiot. Not an idiot for refusing to let then use the house, but for negotiating. If people were so bad you needed a ro, then you do not budge at all. No negotiating. Also him saying he would have to tell his wife and sd not to be around their own home? No Or hell just say you are not wanting to host people that had been hostile to him and the family and will not allow them the opportunity to cause trouble since it is too much of a liability. She may go nc, but he would've been in a better position

I'm actually fucking furious on his behalf. I left a comment on the original Reddit post that I hope he will see. HE shouldn't be feeling guilty over this. He had valid concerns. His daughter ignored them all, and then screamed at him for having those concerns. Then she decides to throw all her toys out of the cot and throw a hissy fit, telling grandma not to let him near her venue, which she has now decided will be held by granny dearest, with grandpa walking her down the aisle. Good fucking riddance to her.

he should send a text,email..... telling every one how on that day he wont be celebrating a new son in the family but morning the loss of a daughter for turning out just like her terrible other side of the family. How he always loved and protected her but turns out she never really loved him as he loved her......... See if that snaps his daughter of that awful conception that her mother put in her head.

@@vladsrun5662 that would not work. 1. It's emotional blackmail, therefore makes him no better than her, and 2. It could backfire horribly, especially with entitled jerks like this. Best thing he can do is live well and be there for his more immediate and supportive household (wife, stepdaughter), and just forget the dishonest, narcissistic, entitled family of origin ever existed.

@@vladsrun5662 i hope

But are you interested in renting some fancy Port-a-Potty's if you do decide to tie the knog?

More like lose get killed situation

@Michael Anderson groom has to be nuts as well

Honestly you are saying keep calling.....no. This is an adult and she is allowing her mother to do this. If this is how she wants to act, then oh well. She will probably wanna contact OP when she needs 15k though. Will play him for it and then go nc again.

@@zibix4562 when I said keep calling I meant call her at least three or four times to try to get her to listen to you. If she doesn't listen then just don't call her but you got to give her room to breathe. She may be an adult but let's be real here those scars from the divorce her dad's remarriage might have affected her and her mom's behavior with the restraining order as well took into it. I can guarantee you her mother's putting more pressure on her than you think and his family is caving so she can get the wedding day of her dreams. He needs to give her space and counseling maybe her going no contact for a while would be good but it would be damaging for them both

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE no dont bother calling. She made her choice now she can enjoy being cut out.

He should leave her one message: "We need to talk privately and as adults. If you choose to ignore this and keep spreading the lies about why you are not having your wedding at my house, I will be contacting my lawyer about legally disownig you and updating my will. If you don't want me for a father now nor need my money now, you don't need it when I'm gone. You have three days to decide." Either she will quickly change her tune and beg to not be removed from his will or she will lose everything.

@@jedimasters1462 this should work but if it is framed as a Threat she will close her self off as a knee jerk move and go even more defencive

Agree. I get it's her granddaughter. But if your own son gets a RESTRAINING ORDER against his ex and her entire family, maybe he has a good reason to not allow them near his place.

It’s not even that they were trying to protect her, they shut op out of everything entirely without asking questions. Their horrible parents who left their son out to dry and did even try and get his perspective. Their bad grandparents too low key if they can’t see that mom is most likely manipulating the daughter and possibly them too to leave OP out of everything and wanting her to be around all that toxicity. Like OP had a restraining order against the family for Christ’s sake. You have to go through a lot to get that.

but it is not her mothers house, it is her grandparents, OPs parents, house basically the pos mother weaponized the daughter and got OP cut off from his own parents

@@Bleg94 so? His daughter is an adult and allowed it to be so.

@@jeffklaubo3168 just wanted to correct you on the house and people involved, doesn't change a thing about the mother being a pos and the daughter too

Grandparents are extremely biased and will do anything to win their grandchildren favor.

We aren't getting the whole story.

this def wasent the whole story. his own parents didnt take his side so i bet there is a lot he isnt saying to make himself look better

It's so fucked up she blames her kids for how she looks now & he says she can't blame them but yet he is the Ahole WTF those people are a bunch of White Knights it's sad

Thought exactly the same, redditers are soft sometimes

Exactly. Then to turn around and say that she was pregnant not by her own free will was stupid asf. Women can abort children without even telling the father.

Here's the link to the post to anyone who wants to turn the tide since I feel bad for the OP.

I have a Friend she has three Children & she is still in good fit so that woman is just being lazy IMO

I think the person who uploaded the video deleted my comment or has banned links or the link from being posted in the comment thread since the comment that I left showing the link isn’t showing anywhere.

“Granite” 😂👌

@@carinaadams6797 oh no a typo

Apples to oranges. Why is the daughter being punished for something her MOTHER is doing? This dad is a moron.

@@CocoCece08 she isn’t being punished. She didn’t take the portable washroom idea or the 15 THOUSAND that her dad offered her. That is not a punishment by any stretch or the imagination.

@@CocoCece08 Are you really that dense? I mean, seriously? Did you even listen to the same video? It is not 'Apples to Oranges' at all. Members of OP's ex's family presented so much of a threat to OP, his wife and step daughter that a judge granted a restraining order against them. Are you such an idiot as to invite people, who have threatened you seriously enough for a judge to do that, into your own home? He is not punishing the daughter in the slightest. He is just saying, with justification, that certain people will not be allowed in his home. No one. Not the daughter, not his parents, not his extended family, and most certainly not some random idiot on the Internet has a right to demand he should, or criticise him for not doing so. A judge would certainly question his intelligence if he did and there was an incident at the event. The only moron here is yourself. The father bent over backwards to provide solutions including offering 15K towards another venue. If you consider 15K a punishment then feel free to punish me multiple times with gifts of 15K.

On story 4: Being together is about making each other happy. The guy's attitude is why everyone is mad at him but he's allowed to not like the changes his wife has gone though. He's not entitled to her being hot, but if she doesn't try to make herself likeable to him he doesn't have to stay with her either. Who he's willing to spend his life with is up to him. He's allowed to at least ask her to get in shape cause that makes him happy. If she's not up to it he may need to reconsider if she's still the one he wants to be with. This is true regardless of who's the guy and who's the woman, or if it's m/m or f/f. Neither is entitled to the other's body, but you should try to make your SO happy, otherwise what's the point of being together.

@Lotex agreed

Pretty sure he meant it was her choice to get out of shape by it. While you always gain some weight with pregnancy, if you're careful about it you should lose most/all of it though lactation. Contrary to popular belief, pregnancy doesn't have to change you much in the long run unless you have like 15 kids. Don't get me wrong, the guy's being insulting and passive aggressive in a total AH way, but he does have a right to feel the way he does. He doesn't get a say on her body, but he's not required to be happy about it either, he's not also required to be attracted to her. Ultimately, he was happy about this in-shape partner who would exercise together with him and he's lost that, and she seems to have moved on from doing it. I mean, imagine if your hot SO (presumably would be male?) gained a bunch of weight and changed to a more sedentary life. That wouldn't be fun. I dunno about you but I feel in a relationship both parties should try to make the other happy, and this guy seems to feel strongly about being fit, he's a gym kind of guy himself. Though he also shouldn't hold it against her, which he totally is, he doesn't have to spend his life with a person that doesn't make him happy, likewise if his asshole attitude about her body makes her unhappy, same thing applies.

She did have kids when she was over 40, so it may have taken a bigger toll on her than if she was younger. But yeah. I mean, he is the AH, because his attitude sucks. He's clearly not attracted to his wife anymore but is being belittling, condescending and passive aggressive about it. On the other hand, she's wrong, she could get back in shape, in fact, she could have never stopped being in shape. She probably fell for the "eating for two" nonsense, a lot of women get told this idea they should eat all they want during pregnancy. No one should eat more than they need. She used to exercise a lot so she could get back into shape if she wanted. As for the guy, it seem he's very unhappy about what she's turned into, both physically and mentally. He's not entitled to make her be what he wants her to be, but he's also not required to be with her if he doesn't like her anymore. We only get one life. edit (various edits): wait, are you the OP? I you are the OP, chill out on the attitude and be straight with her. That you don't like how she's accepting being out of shape and it makes you unhappy. Don't try to get her to change, but make it clear it's making you unhappy. Or that it would make you happy if you could go back to exercising together, that you really liked that about her (positive spin is always better). It's not your fault if you're not attracted to her anymore if she's changed, you're not the AH if you think she's not hot anymore, no need to get defensive about *that*. It's evident that her being into exercising is a big reason of why you got together with her to begin with, so it's understandable if you don't like it if a big part of why you got together to begin with is gone. Not saying that you should definitively leave but the whole point of being together is making each other happy. You seem to be making excuses about it. Bottom line is it's important to you that she exercises, it's something you feel strongly about, and her not doing it may be a deal breaker for you, skirting around the issue makes you look like an AH. Finally, if she does put the effort to get back into shape and doesn't succeed, don't hold it against her.

If he leaves her I bet she will lose weight fast and get fit to get a new boyfriend. She got complacent in the relationship. Men do that too.....

Not even college fund for her kids.

Oh, I bet you've seen some great behavior. How many friends, relatives, acquaintances, neighbors friend's cousins, etc. asked if you would do them a favor at an upcoming wedding and take pictures for free? As a favor of course because you should totally just work for free cause someone knows you.....

@Melody Ackerman I mean if your own mother says you're not invited to the wedding of your own daughter your father's walking her down the aisle and she doesn't want to speak to you for awhile. It's going to make people who are reading the story question like okay what the hell is going on here

Some people become raging idiots over blood relations. "You let that brat who isnt even your kid have her wedding there" type stuff. He is lucking out, he should take this opportunity to go NC and change his will so his wife/step daughter get everything.

@@donalddavis7423 I agree, I think that if it was a woman in the same situation people wouldn't be doubting him.

@@donalddavis7423 you read my mind on this, OP should take this as opportunity to cut off toxic people from his life.

Asking the question is definitely valid but it is worth remembering that there are parents who treat their children extremely badly and, instead, unjustly favour others. Sometimes just for 'face' or appearances. It is possible that the daughter's entitlement is inherited from her grandmother, and not the mother as is easy to assume. Let us remember that an RO was involved. Judges are so reluctant to sign off on those that an extremely serious incident is needed, usually after a prolonged period of abuse that the victim had no official relief from. To expect those people to have access to OP, his family and home is utterly insane and shows absolutely no regard for their feelings or safety. This suggests to me that something fishy is going on and OP is the victim/target and I cannot but help feeling that pressure is being applied to get access to the property.

Not really. He just hadn't thought things through very well. He should have thought about hiring security to watch his house and keep a close eye on the ex, thats it. Tell me this, if you were at a wedding at a relatives house and you needed to the use the bathroom, are you going to expect to use the house bathroom instead of a Port-a-Potty?

Make sure he at least leaves her a few fancy Port-a-Potty's in his will.

Not necessarily. I can assure you that many many people have misled the courts and downright lied to obtain a restraining order before. And ex-spouses are notorious at using restraining orders for malicious purposes. The biggest indication of poor behavior is the fact that the daughter and OP's very own parents are prohibiting him from attending the wedding. Of course that doesn't mean he is at fault. But usually parents will have your back against your ex spouse especially if the ex is the one engaging in harmful behavior.

She was using the kids as an excuse.

He was criticizing her bitching about her body. And in a way she did blame the kids or at least use them as an excuse. She said her body was shit but she is glad she has kids to show for it. But she didn't even try to get her body back in shape.

@@SilverMaychan that is what it seems to me, also. It's kind of hypocrite of her to bitch around and complain about her body and them act like "it's shitty but I'm happy". She's not happy, she gave up. Maybe she's more tired this time, sha has other priorities and this is ok. But be honest with herself is the first step. It seems she dislikes her current body, she didn't embraced it and it seems that it is the thing that bothers op.

Sounds like he's more criticizing the fact she gave up, seems to use the kids as an 'excuse' for how her body got like that, and I don't blame him. From what it sounds like, after the kids, she changed completely from the woman he married, both physically and mentally.

ikr, everyone is glossing over the fact his own parents took his daughters side, there is an increadible ammount he isnt sharing

@@zephramartin6632 seems like the grandparents didn't even know what was happening and probably felt simpathy for there grand daughter grandparents will do anything for there favorite grandchild even if it means cutting off there own child it's ridiculous

Yep, and the story revolves around whatever happened that brought about the restraining order. Because, they just don't hand those out willy nilly. Something serious normally has to precipitate being granted one.

Ummmm she already disowned him

The RO says a lot the grandparents probably don't know the whole story and where feeling pitty for the granddaughter and forgetting that the ex did enough to warent a RO in the first place and the thing that is really suspect on the daughter's side is the instance that they should be allowed in the house despite the dad saying he has issues with that from the beginning

This story doesn't feel right op is holding no blame in this there must be something wrong

I mean tro does put a lot of weight on his stance, but I get a suspicious feeling there is a bit more to this story. I mean it could literally be the idea of suggesting porta potties, which sorry, but it is kind of insulting to say no you cant come in, but take a crap in a box I know you got fancy ones, but your wedding will always be remembered having honey buckets. With that said, he should've just stuck to his guns. Not everything needs to be compromised. Just say the other family was so bad, the court determined a ro was necessary.

Right.....every young lady dreams of a backyard wedding filled with guests and decorations and gifts and a bunch of stinking Port-a-Potty's covered with flies under the hot sun.

You're assuming that every restraining order issued is for a valid legal reason and no embellishment or downright lying was involved by any of the parties. I'm sure divorced people never use the restraining order as a way to hurt the ex by making up threats or injuries. My point being, that it isn't the restraining order that dictates whether anyone ever steps foot in your home again. What should decide that is the truth and accuracy of the incident (s). Because there was no longer any restraining order in place and so we can assume that it wasn't reinstated because there wasn't further legal cause for it. And, there was no way the daughter would have her wedding without her mother. Dude simply should have hired a few security guards to keep an eye on specific people and watch the house throughout the evening. Problem solved.

As much as the OP is avoiding the subject of what the restraining order is, there seems to be WAY more to this story than he will tell.

2 months later and I'm here to notify you that you have the reading/listening skills of a squirrel. Good day.

Oh shut up it happens a body changes after you have kids

@@frankiemarie4365 especially to lazy people.

@@frankiemarie4365 Yeah, it happens to fat people who aren't interested in doing the work anymore. I've broken up with a few girlfriends because they thought it was cool to stop caring about how they look. I workout 6x a week. If you can't go at least 4 then I don't want to to date you.

Kinda like a romeo and juliet situation....

Very likely spoiled since he did have to get a restraining order on his ex snd her family.

Either way he still was willing to do it despite having a restraining order

@@imaniislander755 That would have been a huge mistake. Glad to hear that he's dodged this bullet. I am not sure what is going on with his mother and why she chose a side. The fact that there was a restraining order suggests that there was some bad stuff happening, and I hope this is not a case of an abused man who concealed the facts of his abuse from family "for the greater good".

@@imaniislander755 yeah, that's what makes me think his daughter was just being a spoiled bridezilla because she didn't want to have the fancy outdoor toilets and wanted her mom to be able to enter his actual house. I'm wondering what story she told her grandparents for them to tell their son he can't come to the wedding

@@akoilngas1215 Me too, especially since people and the court don't take this things seriously. I doubt he would have a restraining order in the first place which is sad

I highly doubt it's "small" age gap. But either way, they should stick with no and if family "doesn't want to use this money for anything else" .... Well it's their problem

And this theory is definitely backed by the fact OP’s mother is willing to host the wedding, with OP’s father walking the daughter down the aisle and OP not invited. OP is definitely not telling the full truth here..