I’m not a parent yet but this made me tear up. I was an explosive child with immigrant parents that believed the best response to that was constant discipline. I’m a very involved auntie to an extremely strong willed 5 year old. He exhausts me but I want to honor and nurture his fiery spirit!

I love that the expert emphasized that parents need to take the leadership role and that it's too much for a child.

All of parents are going to find this video so relatable and informative

Shan, I hope you read this. But between you, Jared, his podcast, your podcast, JD & Lauren… I feel seen and heard. Even more now as a mom. The conversations you guys bring to the table and all the beautiful insight and the constant actions you guys do to grow is so inspiring. You make motherhood feel less lonely. Thank you.

I work with children with autism and i feel like timers are SO crucial for ALL children not just children with developmental issues. Ofc the child should trust your word but its a combination of the two you often tell a child to do something especially while theyre doing something else they often forget so the timer is a great to keep everyone in the dynamic accountable including the parent.

Could you imagine if Baby Boomers and Gen X'rs were having these kinds of conversations, how different the current world would be?!?! Great job, Shannon!❤

Thank you for showing the challenging sides of parenting from a child centred and collaborative approach. Too often we see big egos in parenting that can be very ridged.

man, i did not expect this video to make me cry. children deserve so much patience and care, im happy to see this new wave of parenting be normalized. also the bangs are amazing, shan!!

You’re a great Mom. Love that you’re always learning, loving, and adjusting. It’s very inspiring 🤗

Behavioral technician here 🙋🏽‍♀️🧩 a lot of Ryu’s behaviors do indeed look like ASD. It doesn’t hurt to at least have her assessed, and if she is on the spectrum the sooner she gets supports in place the better. I second routines and timers, they’ve been integral to my clients’ self regulation skills! Also speaking about teaching when teachable: cognition and reasoning goes down exponentially when in distress, especially in children with autism. I can’t tell you how many breakthrough post-meltdown chats I’ve had with my clients and you can see the lesson click into place! Best of luck Shan, love to you and your beautiful family ❤

I don't have kids yet, but I've been browsing parenting videos just for personal knowledge. This is an insightful take and your personal approach makes it that much more organic. My fiance and I want to start and have 2-4 kids in the near future and this video is definitely helpful, thank you!

@18:58 something to think about: Parents often say we'll do something in 5/10/15 mins but as children don't have a full concept of time AND they know when time is too short or too long. Sometimes say 15 mins but they come get you in 5 to take a bath and the parent might say i'll come play in 5 mins and you don't show up for another 30. The clock/timer is impartial - (if it's working correctly); it's 5 mins is always the same 5 mins. It becomes a way for BOTH of you to hold yourself and each other accountable. The more you use the timer AND stick to your word (the last part is the important part), the less fighting/push back happens around the timer.

Thank you for your vulnerability Shan. In a world that lies to women that everything is easy, thank you for sharing the not so good truths. As women, as mothers we need to share more of our stories so, 1. We don’t feel so alone, or weird about certain things and 2. To support each other!

Love this video. I also have two kids and my oldest child is almost 3 and has a similar temperament as Rayu and my youngest is 8 months and more easy going. It’s nice to see other parents going through the same challenges. Some days are really hard with my toddler but I’ve noticed the more we get out the house and experience new things the better his behavior.

Timers on things we are doing have helped a ton with transitioning to other things. Kids don’t really understand the concept of time but its helped to prepare my three year old for the change in what we’re doing . Also giving them the independence they crave throughout their day. Letting them think they’re making a lot of decisions can help alleviate some of those tantrums because I feel like they happen since they don’t truly have a ton of autonomy

i think it’s very vulnerable to share you experience with your children with us because from reading these comments i would literally never share lol thank you for all the transparency you provide ♥️

I was just thinking of you today about how I TRULY admire how you choose to structure your videos and content. It is different and exciting. your mind is truly one to be in awe of. Digitally and creatively you are paving a unique creative pathway for people like me who are niche within themselves. I love your family and your transparency. I am 23 and I am a researcher and extremely curious and love information and your thoroughness. Just wanted to elevate you because today and later on when I come back to seek comfort and information on my own children, you will be here. WE LOVE YOU! The babies as well, so much blessing is with her because of you and Jared. You can never fail her simply because you love her.

Shan thank you!! This was so vulnerable to share. Ryu is sooo sweet. When she cried I cried 🤧🤧 it’s so tough being a mom!! Your doing great Shan

Beautiful babies and beautiful mama

I was scrolling through the comment section and there are so many different opinions here! You are so brave to show the reality of parenting nowadays and put it all out there. This video in so relatable on many levels and I thank you for being so real! ❤

Thank you for this!! 🙏 So many of us relate. I don't want to squash my daughters natural energy and vibrant personality. Constantly searching for the balance of structure and guidelines and letting her true self blossom. Parenting is so hard. 💕

I always admire the vulnerability and knowledge shan brings to her videos. I loved the way Jess described the child with active temperament, I think it's something not well understood.

The hair, the outfit, the confidence. You got it all!

Love this and love your authenticity, especially as a rockstar mom. I can’t wait to dive deep into this video. The title was triggering for me (in a good way) bc this is my struggle with my daughter! Thanks again! ❤

Thank you Shan! I think for a long time people made me feel bad for having such a child like ryu and I really thought at times if I was doing right by her or if I just didn't have the tools as a mom. I know what I am doing right by her and am still learning how to parent my daughter by paying attention to the style of parenting she needs I was not sure but it seemed to work. The giving space to have a meltdown before it happens has really helped her with other parts of the day. I thank you for bringing someone in to share how different children need a different style. We are not alone! ❤ also it should be talked about more!

I love your children!! You're doing great, mama!

I love that you're making these types of videos. But what I really want to say is that you look SO FINE with your hair styled that way. Whew! I love it

Bless you, Shan! You are such a good mommy and Ryu is lucky to have you!

Shannon thank you so much for this video. My 2 year old daughter and I relate to all of this. Showing up for her has also been incredibly healing for me because I think that is what I needed when I was a child. But that doesn’t change the accidental snaps and losing my cool. Being able to apologize to her and try again is the best I can do on our hard days

THIS EPISODE WAS INNCREDIBLE!

Shan your energy is so grounded lately!!!! ❤

I hate my brain 😩 All I can focus on is Jess' toe that keeps twitching 😭

That was so very helpful! I know a child similar to your older daughter. My child has big feelings in a bit of a different way than her, but these tips nonetheless are such a good stepping stone for how I might handle situations between my child and their baby sibling

Loving the green fit Shan! So cute 🤍💅🏽

The young one looks just like Jared

My son was like this.. sometimes several meltdowns a day. Ever since he started pre k at 4.5 years old, he’s completely changed. He has so much more patience and understanding.

Shaaaan I’m loving your hair honey!!! You look beautiful.

As a new mom I NEEDED to hear this conversation, and I loved it. Thanks Shan 🙏🏼❤️

Saving this for when I have a kid! 😅 Ty

Very helpful, love it !!

Ryu in Japanese is a male name symbolic of the dragon. There is power in a name and it also influences the child's nature. Be careful what you name your child.

Rayu got so big! So cute ♡

Could be mild asd or adhd. My son has adhd. I increase dopamine naturally, no processed foods, low sugar, low carbs, naps and extra sleep, limit screen time, consistent routine, increase sunshine and exercise. Positive words and praise. Music class, swim class, etc. Evaluations by pediatric neuropsychologist. Special classes like OT and small groups.

Always love ur work!!

She Reminds me of my Son So much & it’s So hard. Thankyou for sharing❤ Please continue to encourage & inspire others! 🫶🏽

Love jess!

Have you gotten Ryu assessed for autism or other neurodivergence? It's possible ur assigning value labels/character assessments to neurological differences

Wonderful vid. It also gives me comfort knowing this SO cannot be me.

I absolutely love your compassion. You are a good mom. Authentic ad just always trying.

Thanks for sharing ♥️

Thank you so much that was so interesting beautiful and informative ♥️🙏🏼

I don’t have kids yet but I love learning from you. Thanks for all the hard work. Side note ur haircut looks great!

I'm all for free spirit, but the "explosive kid" often times takes up so much attention from other kids which isn't fair. In my opinion, nothing wrong with a bit of discipline. If we all had explosive kids, it would significantly impact society as a whole. Wishing you all the best, but i think there is a happy medium between our parents way and your way.

Ryu seems neurodivergent. I know its alot lol but they are awesome kids.

I can respect you as a strong and intelligent woman and mother while also pointing out that these titles and openly calling your baby explosive to thousands of people online, is disrespectful. Can you put yourself in your childs shoes and see how down the line this might make them feel some type of way? I know you want to help parents and thats fantastic but i dont think this is the best way to go about it.

Shan you are a great mom

My 5yr old used to be a lot more explosive but she’s been cool lately I’m noticing where she’s matured a lot and also when I am calm she’s sooooo much more calm. The only concern is when she’s at school she’s so territorial over her friends, one in particular. So her homegirl she met last year in pre-k is now in her kindergarten class but homegirl made a new friend and Eva, my baby, has no interest in playing with homegirl’s new friend. So when homegirl plays with new friend Eva gets upset and has yelled at her homegirl. We’ve all had conversations with her about being friends and playing together and being fair but it hasn’t helped much. I don’t know what to do and her teachers and I have hit the wall with ideas. Anyone with ideas, please share ❤

My niece has the same temperament as Ryu and we just love her to pieces.

Another thing that’s observed she’s walking on her tippie toes which is a huge sign of kids on the ASD spectrum I have an 18 year old nonverbal young man . I immediately took him out of regular school and got him into an collaborative school and he has excelled .

dude they both look just like their dad 😂

Great topic! I do wonder how Ryu will feel if she sees these videos of her when she’s older. It may be tough to see that she was considered the more reactive (challenging, “birth control”) child in comparison to her sister - especially on a public platform. Just a thought and again the video was very informative. Thanks!

I strongly disagree with this particular parenting expert's overall approach and advice in this video, but respect that she has her perspective. Perhaps I'm old school - in that my view is that the parent and child are not equals, and firm (strict) parental boundaries on a child's behaviour are not just acceptable, but necessary. If a kid's not self-regulating or learning to self-regulate with you, it's a wild assumption to think they're gonna be on best behaviour with other kids, adults or authority figures when you're not around. Also, that bit on them being on best behaviour all day: what is that teaching them about how they can treat any future partner in the romantic relationships they'll have? Everyone else gets my best, but when I come home my loved one(s) get the dregs? I was shaking my head for most of this video (except the part where she was in the supermarket and pointed out the other kid's tantrum). I think, as a rule, children and young people in the West do have less respect for their elders than generations past did. I think there are a number of factors involved with that shift (including a double income economy forcing most parents' hands - to have both spend less physical time with their kids (and therefore less time to enforce boundaries and instil values; realistically, two-parent households get evenings and weekends to spend time, and no one wants that limited time spent on things that aren't overtly loving and fun when both are already tired from the way they earn their bread)). But yeah. A number of factors - including parenting advice that your kids are in any way on your level - is contributing to the generational shift away from the values of respect for elders - but most importantly, respect for parents. Don't let a child raise herself into a person that people dislike. You can still be loving but very firm. They don't have the foresight to see where their tantrums will land them in the long run with people who don't have the context (and don't care about the context) of who they are as a person. We do our kids a massive disservice by not leading them with a firm hand. This does not need to involve hugging them and asking how they're feeling when they're playing up.

Thanks for sharing some of your parenting experiences. I think it was an odd choice to do this with your children present, especially Ryu who is too young to understand what you’re talking about but also knows it’s about her which is confusing. She seemed to really want to connect and have your presence, while you were juggling talking to the camera about her. Personally would have loved to see this conversation as a podcast episode type style instead of this format. But regardless of my opinion, thank you for sharing on this topic. I have a spirited young daughter and can definitely relate.

I have one of those strong willed kids and it’s been a HARD 6 YEARS. I will say he can still go from 0-100 in a second but things are better.

Thank You for this video. My son is very explosive from throwing chairs, toys, and table. He hits and pushes but also can be sweet as pie. He was a very calm baby until he reached 1 1/2. However, he has speech delay, adhd and issues with authority which causes more issues. Imagine Incredible Hulk and donkey Kong came to play at your house. Our place was and is still constantly destroyed. I use to cry daily because I would be so exhausted by the time it hit 12 noon. Now I just learned to manage as best as I can🙃

Whew chile this is a lot 😅

It would be interesting to ask a Human Design reader (who’s done a proper training) to read the charts of your kids. HD has become extremely popular nowadays but my friend who is an HD expert says, it’s actually meant to understand kids and help them support in their natural being more.

Do you think you put too much of your kids business online ?

Leaving a comment for the algorithm

IM SUCH A FAN OF HERS. I LOVE HER INSTAGRAM. HI HI HI FROM CALIFORNIA ❤❤❤

Could riu possibly be on the spectrum ? I wonder if they have looked into that already. It’s hard to diagnose girls.

I wonder if you are familiar with “Family Constelation Therapy” by Bert Hellinger. One of the biggest discoveries i made last year. I am not a parent, However, i have a Friend with children and i am forever fascinated with how their behaviour signal the system they were born in. It can be an “issue “ that goes back generations and generations before them, before the parents or the parents themselves. Have a look! I Believe every being on this planet should learn about Hellinger’s findings (which have roots in the african continent) and live an easier, more purposeful and peaceful life. ❤

Something should stay private especially kids issues. People expose way too much on social media. Strangers don’t really need to know all this information about people we don’t know. Protect these kids

My comment may not necessarily have anything to do with this video was rewatching Mean girls and l swear l saw a younger you as an extra in the beginning scene when Lindsay's character is about to enter the school u walked passed and pushed her.

Sometimes parents will parent for other parents to see how avant-garde their parenting is, and it’s not really for their kids. Kids with no discipline are annoying and typically unliked by others. This stuff of parenting is not rocket science unless there is something real psychological going on. And having some weird and calculating parenting style just makes it more difficult than it has to be.

Many kids back in the day, would get spanked or corrected to stop the crying, the lil tantrum and time outs and talks... Managing the kid while they are toddlers and switch into the 1st grader. A kid will push and test parents and become unruly and tearing

While having an STD?

Ryu is just spoiled and very much catered 2. Should could have attention deficit but its probably, coupled w a loose and kind parenting style. Ryu will be fine... she's not even near the kids in school, yet..to be more patient, etc.,

bro she's asking her kids ''how would you describe yourself''... like what🤣

🤍🤍🤍

Another thing that works for kids it’s first and then or visuals boards specially for kids that are having a harder time regulating their emotions when transitioning from one activity to the other and timers ⏲️ are amazing . Also breaking task into smaller steps for example bath time first take of shirt then pants etc instead of let’s take off our clothes. I hope I’m explaining myself well . Also identifying triggers for Rayu could be key and very helpful for you too. My son is autistic and when I come out and say straight NO it triggers him so I instead try other things like we can do that later let’s do this now . I can go on by the way I know I’m Speaking from an autistic mother but these work for a lot of different kids

Honestly I don't like how you describe Ryu and also she is a lot like you. But you describe yourself as confident and powerful but why is Ryu explosive. You also struggle with being adaptive and non flexible like the example of the tea bags and putting it in the sink. You just do whatever you want and Ryu is the same. It's hard for a kid who wants to do what they want and I get it kids can't lol but it's hard for them until they reach adulthood where I'm sure Ryu will be just as powerful and confident as you. I'm just saying to reframe how you describe your child

Eye don't appreciate how categorized personality traits get into spectrums and disorders... it's just a hyper scientific way of describing a unique personality. If kids are treated as if there's something wrong with them they are psychologically stifled. That could've been me if my mom believed that.

Ryu seems like she's on the spectrum tbh. I hope you guys consider getting her assessed at least 🙏🏾

Just watched your interview with your parents and their dynamic and for some reason…. This seems similar…

Borderline in the making, highly likely will follow your footsteps