Often times women who choose not to have children are shamed by society and deemed most of all as “selfish”. I completely disagree. I think it’s selfish when people are procreating irresponsibly with the wrong partners. I think it’s selfish when the children then have to live with the trauma that comes with that. I also think it’s selfish to have multiple children when you can’t take care of them. It’s not selfish to know yourself at the time, and make an informed decision that can change in the future when you feel differently. This was great Shan, your honesty is unprecedented.

Erm........ This girl is 35...... I genuinely thought she was like 26. This is MAD

Being bonded to the wrong romantic relationship is a big one for me. It is probably not the best type of fear to have but I dont know how to shake it.

6 months already? Dang momma!! We can't wait to meet her either.

It’s so crazy that 35 is considered a geriatric pregnancy like your 30s is when most people get to together to the point where they can provide for a child financially emotionally and spiritually.

I feel like the reason I don't want kids is because I hadn't seen anybody with kids being cool parents, who handled things well and still managed to maintain their identity. My experience has been seeing women become mothers with no identity of their own, complain all day about their useless husbands, and become so boring, and do nothing but complain about their kids. I think 2020 has been such an interesting year because all of the youtubers I watch and admire got pregnant: Shan, Melanie Murphy, Rose and Rosie. It reminds me that I could be a cool parents, remain the person I am, and find reliable and consistent love.

Orange is so pretty on you

My stance is, I don't want BIOLOGICAL children. I'm more than comfortable with being a great aunt, step-mom and/or community mentor. I'm even open to possibly adopting/fostering. But I'm choosing not to physically have any children for my own personal reasons.

My idea of wanting kids changed from HELL NO to “I’d do this with the right guy” when I felt very loved and that I could see myself with this one guy a few years back. Even though that ended, it shifted my idea of potential parenthood sooo much. So definitely relatable.

I don’t want to birth any because of the physical pain, Financial strain and loss of freedom. I am enjoying being the Auntie that can spoil her nieces and nephews ❤️✨

I don’t want kids... and I don’t know what else to say about it. I just don’t want one. I’ve never had the desire to. Never envisioned my future with children. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am a 36 year old mother of 5 and honestly I wish I would've waited. The loss of self has been so real especially because it's been so one sided. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but I was not in the right head space when it happened and I don't think I've regained my footing. I'm learning to embrace the pieces of who I am aside from being someone's mom though it is a huge challenge most times. I fully commend you Shan, as well as any other birthing person/parent who is self aware enough to be able to recognize the importance of maintaining that sense of self and how vital that is to true happiness and how much that can improve the experience of raising a child and therefore improve that child's life.

I wish you were my mom. I love my mom but she doesn't have "honey" my whole life she just seemed so stressed and disconnected, I never see her enjoy life. And I love that excerpt you read, because she was so good at loving me as a baby and a child, but as an adult she wants me to need her and it puts a lot of strain on our relationship because I feel like she holds me back from being and independent adult, and she feels personally offended by me trying to spread my wings. I think I'm going to buy two copies of that book and read with her. Because my whole life I've been dying waiting for the day to have a baby, but I know I need to get to a place where you are in order to be a mother who can raise a child to truly be happy and love life.

I really wish that age didn’t affect conceiving a child and that women could have children at any age without having to worry about the risk that come with having children the longer you wait. Women are so much more independent these days and the years we spend getting our lives and careers in order is when our fertility is at its peak. It’s like we’re in direct conflict with our own biology. 😓

I’m 20 and the thought of having a child in the future seems that being a mother could potentially be my main/ biggest role in my life for me to play, feels like a burden to me

My mom was 39 when she had me (34 when she had my brother), I am now 22 and very happy to have "older" parents. I think you made a very wise decision to wait until the moment was right for both you and Jared! And for the record 34 is not even that old to have a child, at least from a swedish point of view!

I told my mom the dog 🐶was her grand child!🤣 Then at 39 I was newly married and was ready for the responsibility. Now I'm in love with a cute little 14 month old boy. A love like no other when you're a mother!🥰🥰

"I didn't wanted to be bonded with the wrong partner" Seriously... and this is why my parents are together again, it's cause of us.

Makes you even better candidate actually. That kid doesn't fill any void.

I love that you shared this Shan! I don't want kids myself, and I wish that people would stop expecting motherhood out of me and judging me when their expectations are wrong. I frequently get comments that I'll change my mind, like you did, but I think others have to respect what people are saying when they say no. It irks me when people just disregard my own life choices as though I don't know myself, you know?

"Wanting to share your body, I didn't want to do that" DUDE!! Yes!! No one ever talks about that, the idea of being an incubator grosses me out unbelievably!! I am glad you mentioned that.

That not wanting to be “bonded to the wrong romantic partner” reason was so real. That has to be number one reason for me. Second is that I can’t even take care of myself properly so how can I care for someone else. Third is that I just want to be able to get up and go whenever I feel like it, how knows where we will end up.

I’ve literally dreamed about babies since forever and now i’m just realizing maybe that’s bc i’m trying to fill a void idk

I can’t say enough what a profound video this is. Coming from a traditionalist African culture (not necessarily family) it’s hard to find people that can provide this kind of insight with such an empowering message. Empowering yourself means empowering your child. Thanks Shan.

Witnessing a TERRIBLE relationship in childhood made me enjoy being single for a VERY long time and have no problem being single forever. But now that I have experienced relationships it makes me realize how nice it is to have someone else in your corner but it also takes hard work and it has to be something you are ready for. These days I am definitely on the fence about procreating (although I love kids) because I REFUSE to repeat the generational cycle!

I had my daughter at 19. I was no wear near ready but she helped me grow and become who I am today. And fortunately I think I did an pretty good job. I am now 40 finally married to my King and now trying to figure out my identity. I have always been a mom. And yes I am still a mom but who am I. What is my passion who am I outside of a wife, a mom, an employee. This has been the hardest transition for me. And this started when my daughter turned 16 and started driving each milestone for her was a scary realization that I didn't know who I was. My recommendation to any new mom. Is don't lose your identity, make sure to take time for yourself. Make sure to keep hobbies that are all yours, try not to lose your identity.

I see a lot of this in myself. I’m 29 and this is the first year I’m making real money. I’m in grad school so I’m super busy and I’ve never had a healthy serious relationship. I learned late how to date because of church and I’m just figuring out who I am. Now that I’m starting to making decent money, the first thing I don’t want to spend it on is a child. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am; so many tears, regret, confusion, and pain that now I’m seeing my efforts pay off and I want to spend and invest it on myself. I’m really questioning if I want kids because I don’t know if I care to do what I would need to in order to raise a child, but there are moments I think I could. I really don’t know. I’m single so I’m thankful I don’t have to figure this out. Even meeting men now and they ask if I want kids I feel as though whoever answer I give is a lie because it’s not a certain truth. The conversation with myself is stressful.

As a married woman with no kids, that is contemplating having some, you really truly made me feel better about feeling the exact same way about this issue. I too feared losing my individuality, my identity as a woman to be someones mom. There's no reason why these 2 traits or persona's cant co-exist. For some women, such as myself, they NEED to. Thanks Shan!

I had my first daughter at 34 and having my second daughter at 36. And now I know God knew what he was doing giving me my kids at this time.

I saw that emotion when you described looking into your child’s eyes and telling them that life is good and to now go live it for themselves.. I felt that Shan.. momma to momma

As a women we think we have to follow this timeline, I’m going to be 27 soon, Me and my partner are not financially ready right now & that’s one of the most important things to me. I think it’s beautiful that you’re having a baby at 34 & I know it might sound silly but it gives me a sense of relief. Like I have plenty of time

I feel like my boyfriend telling me I was sexy when I was pregnant and staying sexually active with him during my pregnancy really helped me stay confident and actually feel sexy with in myself. Now that I had my son a month ago (two on the 18th) having him continue to tell me he finds me sexy and loves my body regardless of what I may think about it helps ALOT with me still feeling good about myself and embracing my new and different beauty that I see when I look in the mirror. Having a baby shouldn’t make you feel less sexy because it’s a different sexy that you’re looking at. A new and improved grown sexy lol. I’m so excited for you to have your baby girl 🥰 I hope everything goes well for you and you have a beautiful experience ❤️

I'm 34 and I've essentially always known kids weren't for me. I realized in the 3rd grade when my male best friend said that we would get married when we're adults and have two bedrooms. I was like YES! Then he said one for us, one for the kids *record scratch* Say what??!! I knew then that that was not my ministry, and that feeling never changed. I married a man who already had a son for that reason. I adore my stepson but now that he's almost grown I KNOW that I'm done.

I’m 27 going on 28, and feel like I would love to have a child one day. I’m single , so waiting for the right relationship and hopefully that will be a committed partnership (ideally marriage). I’m down to wait , but a part of me wishes that part of life would come sooner than later bc my parents are getting older. Would love to see them be involved in raising grandchildren

They honey part really resonated with me. I do not wish to have children (and luckily my partner feels the same way). I am dreading the day my family will need to be told this explicitly (still have some years to go before they will start asking) as I fear being labelled as egotistical for not wanting to devote my life to anyone else than my partner. I, however, feel that it is the opposite way around. It would be egotistical of me to bring a child into this world without the surplus of love and joy necessary to bring it up in the best possible way.

THANK YOU for sharing this! :)

I feel like children don’t inherently cause anyone to lose their identity and sexual identity. Men have historically always been able to be fathers while still having their own identities and sexuality. I believe it’s actually sexism that causes those things. Children, in my opinion, aren’t inherently bad or damaging. I believe society has made it so difficult for women. I think many people (not saying this video is doing this) blame the children instead of the sexism.

For me, i can see myself being a mother, I just don't want to have the kids. Pregnancy and labor and post part do not entice me and that's an experience that i don't want to put myself through. I would get a surrogate or adopt. But also, another part of me looks at my goals in life and what i need to feel fulfilled, and kids are nowhere on the list. So, i guess you could say that I am kind of in the middle when it comes to this topic.

I'm scared to loose my freedom. I'm able to up and go as I please with no one to answer to. I love that about life.

I’ve been a parent since 2003 . I was 14 at the time my daughters mother was 13 , we were young , stupid , very horny for each other one night we just went for it and we got pregnant , . It was the hardest thing we’ve ever done , we had no money , we were still in school , and obviously still at home . My mom was a little more understanding she’s only 15 years older than me herself , Isabella’s father broke my nose ( although he paid for me to get it fixed straight away ) when we told him he probably would have killed me if her mother hadn’t of stepped in. But we made it through it’s both my hardest and proudest achievement to date , and I certainly wouldn’t advise going the route we did , she’s 16 now soon to be 17 and she’s my everything I couldn’t have imagined my life without her . I ended up with four children by the age of 22 . Twins Ava and Brea arrived in 2008 , followed by Marnie in 2011 , my fifth and probably final child another daughter was born in 2016 . My mom has three sisters , I have four sisters , my father was the only boy out of six children boys seem to be a rarity in our family . As it turns out I wouldn’t have it any other way apart from having Paris when we were ready and able to provide for her ourselves ( a good 8 years after we’d had her ) But everyone is different you hopefully do what is right for you and hopefully your partner is on the same page I’ve always pondered was it selfish to do what we did ( only now as I watch my eldest daughter become a young woman am I beginning to reconcile with some kind of an answer) All I can say to people I’d be absolutely sure that it’s what you want , because you’re life as you know it is irrevocably changed in ways you can’t possibly comprehend . I mean I still remember the look on Isabella’s face when first told me she was crying , shaking uncontrollably the terror in her eyes though that haunts me to this day , I lied and said everything was going to be ok , when I got home I physically threw up , can’t think of a time when I was more afraid. As a father of five , I understand that children aren’t for everyone , I don’t think you’re a terrible person or selfish if that is the path you choose. Conversely there are people around that see some people’s reasonings for having children as selfish unfortunately that is also true in some cases . But if you are truly happy and settled then why not ? There are no guarantees in life the only guarantee is change and the lack of certainty . Wishing you a happy and healthy bundle of joy in the near future , and many blessings to you and your family.

When you said “back tf up” I felt that! People really need to mind their business!

Being a mom myself, I will say it is SO admirable knowing that women put a lot of thought and decision making into it, because it is a HUGE decision, an enormous forever-changed life change. Best possible change for me in my life, my son is such a blessing. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t challenging. So I love it when I see women and men actually sit and ponder with it rather than rushing into it because they feel they ‘need to’. It’s an important life decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. And likewise, women or men should never feel shamed for not wanting kids. I love Dr Shefalis approach to conscious parenting. She is so great! Anyways lol. I think you guys will make phenomenal parents & thank you for this video.

I had a kid because the universe knew I needed her soul to help mine grow. I was 19 and she was a surprise (single mom). We have grown-up together and it has been the scariest, most amazing thing I've done. She is almost 16 and I am so proud of the person she is becoming, everyone always credits me, but honestly? I just listened to her and supported her because I didn't know how to "parent" and she has become an amazingly strong teenager with a great head on her shoulders. You are going to be amazing parents.

I am 24. I was always on the fence about having kids, and leaned more towards not having kids. In 2019 I traveled out of the U.S. with my partner whom I've been with for 8 years where I saw and experienced a completely new love, familial love. I realized my reasons for not having kids was because I didn't have a childhood full of love nor did my parents (they are refugees who only experienced a traumatic childhood) and my parents were not emotionally available. They did not show love in the ways that I had seen other children experience love but needed so I was afraid of repeating that. I also never had a partner whom I loved and would trust with my life, let alone another beings life. But that trip changed my view and for once I started looking at the pros of having kids and not just the negative reasons. I had a void in my life for a long time that I was trying to fill with professional achievements but familal love was what I really needed and I've started reconnecting with and thinking about my family and parents differently. I know having kids will be hard and at times painful, but I also know it will also be filled with joy and so much love. I know personally, if i didn't have kids, I'll always wonder about it and long for it. Having kids is a deeply personal matter and there is no point in judging or arguing with others for why they do or do not want to have kids. We all have different perspectives and lives and that's what's amazing and interesting about life! I'm so excited for you Shan!

I’m 20 now and not sure if I truly want kids. I know I love them but the world is so messed up I don’t want to mess them up even more.

Shan lookin' fine as a mug. I am thoroughly distracted 🤯☺️

I’m in my mid 20s right now and still unsure as to whether I want to have children. I didn’t have the best upbringing which meant spending my early 20s healing my unresolved trauma and battling depression. I guess my main fear is f******* up someone else’s life, or even f****** my own by having a kid.

I’m definitely where you were. Especially being cautious about being bound to the wrong partner Edit after watching: I feel like you are in my mind lol. I would love to be a guardian and take part in raising adults and the way I have chosen to do that is through being present for the children in my life. I have honey to give now but not necessarily to my own child. I was raised by a village of guardians and rn I am loving being part of someone’s village of guardians and maybe if I choose to have a child of my own I may have similar communal practices with people who share my values.

I honestly wanted kids while i was growing up but when I got married I genuinely started questioning if I really want kids because everyone expects it from married women (especially in the African context). Everyone keeps telling me they are waiting for me to get pregnant and it’s honestly annoying. I think that’s what made me question having kids to begin with. I realized I am avoiding it because people keep throwing it down my throat.

First I want to say how wonderful of a person you are, I have been watching for awhile and you are so open minded, classy, and so respectful of other people’s’ way of doing things. I am 28 and I am really firm about not having kids until I finish school, get my career, house and most importantly someone to spend the rest of my life with. This does not mean any other way it is done is wrong, this is what is best for me and from the way I grew up. It has been a struggle dealing with people who are constantly judging me because I choose to wait. I am definitely open to other alternatives as you say, it is necessary due to waiting. What is most important to me is not having the baby but being prepared to give that baby the life they deserve. I rather struggle now, so my children don’t have to. Thank you again for this video

I'm in my early twenties and still figuring out how to take care of myself. I don't feel ready to have kids until I have more of myself to give. And I've made up my mind that if I do want kids down the road, I will adopt :)

I totally understand. I was 35 when I had my daughter and so glad my parents never were pressing or asking when I’m having a child. Being a mom and still being a sexual human being. Nobody says it from men. Matter of fact ppl think they are more desirable. I started watching your channel maybe last year and understanding being a single mom and still has desires.

you're such an impressive human. thank you for this video!

I honestly just hate being around kids and I don't like taking care of them.

My mom had me when she was 35, I think because she was so mature and had lived her life, although all parents make mistakes, she is a single immigrant mother who had her struggles, but I have a pretty solid foundation. I do attribute a large chunk of that to the fact that she had me later in life. --- Love you Shan Shan, can relate to your reason for not wanting kids for sure! Blessings

Sometimes when you meet the right person the things you once said you'd never do or feel, you finally change your mind, and it's for the best often times.

All three solid reasons though!!! The last one hits though baby

Wow. The quote about mothers giving milk and honey really resonated with me. I have a 3 month old and I’m in a toxic relationship with her father. I’ve been staying with my parents because he kicked me out during an argument. The first week or so I was strong headed on staying with him. I couldn’t accept I chose the wrong person to have a child with. I couldn’t accept feeling like a failure of a mother not staying with her father. I always grew up with both my parents and it’s been important to me to give that to my daughter. I was unhappy my whole pregnancy, and ever since she’s been born it’s only gotten worse. Reality has set in the past week and I know I can’t go back. I know I need to set a good example for my daughter. I know I can give her honey if I’m happy. There’s so much guilt and shame I feel bc to leave her dad feels like a selfish choice but this reminds me that it isn’t. Thank you

I think I'm scared of being a mother as much I love my mom and she is wonderful mother/woman I just don't know if I can't really see myself taking care a human being. I'm scared losing myself while having kids.

I’m still really young (23) and I’m not sure if I want to have a child mainly due to fear: 1. With me being a black woman, it’s very likely that I’ll die during child birth. 2. I fear that my partner will be loving and everything before and during the pregnancy but when I have the child, the stress will be too much for us and they’ll leave me behind. 3. That I’ll raise a child and not nurture and care for them enough and when they turn 16, they’ll look at me as the person who ‘fucked up’ trying to make a good person out of them. 4. I don’t want to lose my individuality. I want to go places and not be hounded with questions about my baby and my husband because while I’d still be dedicated to my child and partner, I am also strongly dedicated to my personal and professional self growth. Edit: I don’t mean to be an engery-buster. So I apologize in advance if it came off that way 😕

This was a great conversation. I had my child at 21, dealt with mom shaming, being looked down upon because I didn’t get married and had a child out of wedlock...so pretty much, my sexual identity was not a priority. It was a necessity for me to prove that I can “mother” properly. The relationship with my child’s father didn’t work out, but I’m now in a relationship where I feel I can love and need to express that sexy side I once had...working on that. 🙏🏾

this is beautiful. I’m currently in my early twenties and definitely in the phase of self discovery and finding my identity. not even close to thinking about kids in my life rn (although I think I want them eventually), but identity has been a big factor for me in romantic relationships and navigating sharing my life with somebody significant while still finding my own person. thank you for your transparency; this (and a ton of your other videos) help give me confidence for now and down the road!

Thank you for being honest. We all go through these moments.

Even when I was a kid, I never pictured myself as a parent. It just never really crossed my mind and when it occasionally did, it would make me cringe. The older I've gotten and the more aware of the world I've become, I am absolutely dead-set against having kids. Aside from that, there are also too many things wrong with me anyway. If the world was a better place, if I didn't have so many problems, and if I was a bit younger, I probably wouldn't be as opposed to having them. There are multitude of things that would have to be in place before I'd consider considering becoming a dad.

This was SO freaking helpful. I’m in my early 20s and have also gone back and forth on whether kids are an important part of my journey or not. I find myself analyzing parenting styles and skills to decide what my parental values would be and I feel it just instills fear that I won’t be able to provide all of the skills I’d want to offer a child. I feel that, as you said, with time and honey (or lack of), my decision will become easier. Thank you so much for this insight and added perspective!

I love children. The only way I'll have any will be through foster care or adoption. I decided that at 17 and now I'm closer to 40. Nice video topic.

Beautiful mama! Sending you, daddy, and baby so many happy thoughts for your delivery 💗 you were glowing before, you're glowing now, and you will glow after baby girl ✨ so proud and excited for y'all!

This is 100% my favorite video I've seen so far on your channel. Thank you so much for your vulnerability. Thank you for your reflection and insight. Just, thank you. Sending you three so much love!!!!

I'm getting Otis' Mom (TV Show: Sex Education) vibes and I'm loving it so much 🥺

I am very much like how Shannon was. I'm 33 years old and do not want children, never did. There are so many reasons as to why I do not want children, and at this point in my life, I still feel very strongly about that. I'm glad Shannon realized for herself that she wanted to be a mother and did not decide out of pressure or shame from society. Society expects that every woman should be pregnant at least once in their life, and we get shamed if we decide that pregnancy is not part of our purpose. I'm glad women (at least in American society) have the right to choose what to do with their bodies. It is great if a woman wants to become a mother and it should be great also if a woman chooses not to become a mother. Whether younger or older, we should celebrate a woman's choice. Congrats Shannon on YOUR choice to enter motherhood! I am so happy for you and Jared; your baby girl is very lucky to have you both :)

Shan this is such a good video. I love how you articulate things in your own way. Like I've thought of these things myself too, but hearing how you spin it is always a valuable 30mins spent or so for me. Sending blessings to you, J and the baby girl. Xx

Such a role model. Appreciate the way you put your words together. I love the intention behind your creative outlet and I'm deeply excited to watch your hot momma advice

Your ability to explain things as thorough as you do, makes any conversation regardless of the topic... worth watching :) Research and Professionalism at its finest!

I find it interesting how you said that you didn't choose your partner based on how he would be like as a parent but simply for your own wishes of him as a partner by your side. Often times when parenthood becomes overwhelming for so many, they might develop this tendency to consistently blame themselves or their s/o for why *that* partner had to become or ended up becoming the other parent to their kids

I loveee the idea of honey and especially that you’re sharing you’ve just recently gotten to this place. I’m only 24 and so devoted to self improvement (and am now a therapist) and I am so so hard on myself that I still have so many insecurities. I feel frustrated that I’m not this person I want to be. And I feel frustrated watching strong powerful women who I strongly admire, and wonder how they got there and if I could ever get there. It really sets as a reminder that even confident women like you had a journey to get there, and I still have so much time!!! Thank you for all of these raw conversations and opening up your life to us

This video made me super emotional ❤ it was beautiful to hear you speak about your journey about finding your honey ❤ thank you for that !

I’ll be 36 in October and I definitely spent my 20s on the same wave as you. I’m now changing all my dirty lifestyle habits in order to reverse my insulin resistance & start my TTC journey. 🥴

Every pregnancy video makes me emotional because I’m so happy that you guys are so happy lol

Thank you for your honesty Shan. Wishing you a healthy 3rd trimester

Such a beautiful video! You’ll be an AMAZING mom Shan! Your daughter is extremely blessed to have such a self aware and emotionally mature mother🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

you're gonna be such an amazing mother. youre already the mom/big sister that over 600k people wish they had.

Laaaawwwddddd you are such a stunning woman both inside and out! Articulate, intelligent and beautiful! Nuff love from Jamaica. Also, I love the necklace. Where is it from?

Extremely insightful. Thank you for being honest, open, and committing time to research. You’ve honestly helped put me in a better mental space about motherhood. 🙏🏽💗

I discovered your channel over a three year ago and watching all your videos I have seen such growth. You and your husband give me such hope. You guys went through so much and have had such positive influence on each other. You guys are gunna be the dopest parents! 💛

Finally I hear someone that feels the same way as I do. Why people want to be bonded to someone for life without being sure is crazy to me. People ask me don't you want kids. Of course but not with just anyone.

I can’t stop thinking of your shirt bc of your Instagram story lmao.

I’m so happy for you both! I respect your decision to wait until you were 100 percent sure!

Shan, this reminded me that i'm making the right choice in continuing to wait, even when pressure from the outside is suffocating. you do beautifully put into words things i didn't know i needed to hear. imma come back to this one every year, thanks

Yes!!! I am 34 and I dont expect to have one until 36 because like you spoke about I want to be a happy healthy well rounded individual who could give so much more to them.

I cannot count how many people mostly women ask me what will I do with my boudoir modelling career once I choose to have kids. I could never understand why I had to give up something I loved and is part of my identity to be a mother. I believe that loving my sexual self and being confident with my body are part of a whole person. Having a child should not take something from your identity it should add to your identity. The mother is not a holy pure idol she's a multifaceted diverse human being well grounded in this world. Thank you so much for adding to this much needed conversation!

Thank you Shan for sharing and being so transparent. I'm 28 and a lot of what you said resonated with me. I have so much more self development that I want for myself before I want to bring children into this world. CONGRATS to you and Jared!

I love to hear you talk. Also, the thing about losing our identity is reaaal. Very relatable!

Mama Shan! Love this video. Its such a great discussion to have. I'm fairly certain I don't want biological children because I don't feel morally right running the risk of passing on a lot of mental and physical health issues that have plagued my family every damn generation. Ive never been able to rely on my body, its always let me down or been in pain so I don't see it as being able to grow a healthy human. I do have a lot of extra love to give, though, so I think it's highly probable that I'll adopt or foster. Like it's kind of overflowing, I gotta direct it to somethin 😂 be it vocational career or a lil human. I also think I have one of the most special mothers in the world, and I'd love to pass on what she's taught me with my own little girl.

I'm in my 50s and chose to never have kids. Males were detached from the jump, many were exactly like my father, narcissistic. I refused to be saddled to a whack job with a kid in the middle of it. I never regretted my decision. I love kids, and have taken care of them ever since I was a kid myself...but I was serious about not having any. I had my tubes cut short and cauterized shut in my 20's. Many women swear up and down they will never have them, but they end up with them anyway. This chile right here, nope I was serious as a heart attack. I guess I'm weird...I don't get googly eyed everytime I see a baby, never felt a "biological clock ticking" and refused to let someone knock me up, then abandon myself and a child. If I felt a need to care for something back in the day, I would get a puppy lol.

Your channel is amazing Shan! Speaking it into existence that you get to 1M subs at the end of the yr! You work so hard! Wishing you nothing but great health and blessings 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

I loved all the things you said SO MUCH !! Spoken from your heart right into mine 💗 I wish you and your family only the best

I don’t know how to explain how I feel so I’ll just ramble on: I’m very appreciative of your presence online, and your well rounded view and openness to learning and growing as well as teaching those that follow you just by sharing your experiences. I came to the realization while watching your video that I have work to do, because your glow is real and your happiness is infectious. I watch your videos and feel inspired by your glimpses into your life and seeing you thriving so much. You really are an inspiration Shan and thank you for sharing your love and light. ♥️😭 @26: I knew I wanted a child (just one) eventually. I got into the relationship I’m in now and through some really tough times, I was pregnant once. I made a tough decision after long discussions and I think a lot of fear that right then wasn’t the right time. Decision made, I had to move on but even now, even with the wild ride my life’s been so far, it was the right decision at the time. Now @30: I’ve had one surgery that caused me to have to have an ovary removed. I’ve always believed in my body. It warns me, it tells me when I need to treat it better, it lets me know when I’m feeling great...I believe in my body and how in tune I am with it, but of course there’s always that fear. I still want one child, now more than I have in awhile. I’m sure my body is capable, but it still scares me at times that maybe I won’t be able to carry. I’m still going to believe in my body, and do everything to support it to make sure that I can. I haven’t started trying yet, I think I have some healing emotionally to do before I can give my child honey, but I’m hoping to start. Question: I have but one question that I ask myself everyday. Am I ready to raise a child that has a childhood they don’t have to heal from? ♥️♥️ Anyways...Thank you Shan for being you.

You are absolutely right!I've had that same worry before I had my son earlier the month. I didnt want to lose my individuality and my identity as a person independent form having a child. I didnt want to give up my youthful fun loving self to put on a more serious, subdued persona. I didnt want to be like other women who have had kids and completely changed, devoting their entire self to being a mother and nothing else subsequently cutting off themselves from the entire world. I waited till I was 31 to have children and now having experienced motherhood and how challenging it is I would not have changed a thing. My views remain very much the same.

❤️ Thank you for being you Shan!

Speaking my whooooolllle truth right now!!! At 33, I'm just now beginning to find my peace and understanding in who I am and have become. It's common that my mother, who had me at 33, comments on if or when I'm having kids or going to be in a stable relationship etc etc and honestly, its abusive emotionally in a sense. However, knowing that I am secure in the fact that I haven't had children yet and my reasons why...you just spoke every bit of it. Thank you for that validation Shan.