And you look like Andy Dick lol Shave head reinvent yourself as punk

Hey Adam, I also went through a traumatic experience age 12. My parents were getting divorced and my father tried to kill himself by burning our family home. My mother was an alcoholic and I was getting severely bullied at school. All that trauma on a developing brain entering puberty has to cause lasting damage and I believe it changed me deeply. Fast forward 40 years and I still wake up occasionally thinking what’s the point and just remind myself that there isn’t one. For anybody. Make the most of what you have, try to enjoy the little things and just try to grind it out. If the job goes, get another. Enjoy your rugby and your walks and make everything else background noise.

well ur an good man. and good man can always live. and be fine nd good. u just need to realise that.

Yep I have similar thoughts in the morning. " What's the point in anything " Sometimes I wish I wasn't so awkward / introverted. Stuck in my head 24/7 worrying..... I relate

Hi Adam. As you say, our thoughts / perceptions can't always be trusted. I would encourage you to look back on your earlier videos. Your demeanour, in more recent videos, is significantly different. As an observer, you are clearly making progress even if your thoughts and feelings tell you otherwise.

Hey man glad you keep honest with your feelings. How about making a memo or note of your feelings and thoughts as soon as you feel that energy and wake up feeling abnormal in the mind, it may help the torrent of the mind become a river of even better, a stream of steady feeling tones and thoughts. Mindfulness and Zen life as taught me to recognise my feelings and reactions as soon as they arise, experience them which attachment and then move on to the next feeling tone

time for five grams in silent darkness bud

Good luck brother - Your as sane as they come. Jobs come and go got to move with the flow. Staying physically active is key. Have you tried JiuJitsu? Really sound people, extremely physically challenging. Would be great for you

Much love dude! Keep getting out and about being physically active!

Speaking from experience, it is so difficult processing personal history via therapy alongside company challenges. The overwhelm is enormous. Compassion for oneself is paramount. Literally take it day by day, no more than that. I really hope the company situation has a good outcome👍

Hey man big respect to you for opening up on here. Hope things get better.

Maybe investigate CPTSD and emotional flashbacks.

bro this is every morning for me. for years.

Hey there, is there a way we can exchange experiences with therapy somehow? Would be cool if the shit I went through would be useful for someone else. Also would have a few things to say re saviour complex and my experiences with that. There's still hope, mate! There will come a time where your current darkness will be but a distant past and you will be a lot more happy and joyful. Sending you a few hugs!

Maybe it was the infection

I have the same problem, despite having my mental problems technically cured few years ago, it's very important to not relapse, because then you are just repeating this bad cycle all over again.

You are so young....Plenty of time to rekindle the flame 🔥. GOOD LUCK 👍.

Your not weak because of your circumstances your only weak if you remain the same your still young and theres alot of opportunities thats attainable for someone of your intelligence I believe in you buddy

hey mate hope you're ok. i've had depression/anxiety and major substance abuse issues my whole life. weight lifting/proper nutrition has been a game changer for me. anxiety and depression are massively reduced, and also staying off substances for me. keep grinding brother!

4:42 pheasant mating call right there! I knew that sound straight away. All those hours on hunting simulators haha

How much are your therapy sessions? For the last few years, I've been thinking of getting therapy myself for lifetime issues. I'm scared of not finding the right therapist, though. Do you think going on these finder websites and messaging a load of them to give them a brief insight about my situation is the way to go about it? If I relied on the NHS, not only would I be waiting an age, I feel like I would get paired with someone of no help. Like you, I overthink a lot, and I can't help but think of every possible scenario I might be faced with when hiring a therapist.

Awesome video Adam. If I can have a little of your time I would like to share my thoughts. 🙂 What I want to touch on is this shadow that follows you. Now what I have to say might not instantly click, but as we go through it, hopefully dots join and progress can be made. ❤ So for a large part we form a opinion of ourselves based upon how we are treated by others. Now how deep that affects us depends upon our age of development that we experience such things, coupled by who and it's the by who that is the "weight" behind how much importance and "truth" we believe there is in their opinions, actions, and demeanour etc. etc. For example someone who endures bullying around 12 will have a "foundation" of how they perceive themselves to counteract such things. Now lets look at someone who has had a blanket of demeaning and toxic encounters by their very parents/primary care givers and then it becomes very much a foundation/ownership of the oppressive image they have placed upon that someone. An image they carry around with them (shadow) that they take into every situation in life. A young child needs the unconditional love of their parents. It is the being enough just by existing, and it is the emotional security and stability to be bold and venture and explore all manner of things knowing if they stumble, they will be picked up, brushed off and "re-set" on a emotional security level to try again. It is also important to take note here of development ages. What might be brushed off as trivial by an adult (e.g. a highly critical comment/scolding) could be the potential "mutism" to a child as it takes the platform of self-security right from under their feet to make them never dare attempt to try again. Now let's look at a child put down by key family members including their very mother. They may experience elements of love in between all of that, but they will carry this "weight/burden" that they aren't good enough, a disappointment etc. etc. and the younger they experience such toxicity the deeper it is as part of their foundation of understanding of themselves and where they fit into their family's eyes and the world at large. Such a burden on a young child leaves them forever trying to catch up before they can ever try to make progress. Catching up is the need to receive on par love they give to other family members to "feel" they are now equal to their peers and held in the same loving and respecting light that they bestow upon other "family" members. Adam I can only imagine such a self-belief system/platform of self when it has been build from the ground up is "almost" impossible to shake and move away from, but there is hope. 🙂 Thing is this foundation has been formed from taking "ownership" of other's view points and opinions and when that has been from the ground up by parent(s) and other family members it's not only what has been given in verbal communication but all the other stuff too. All the injustices placed upon shoulders and then made to believe those injustices are right and just (clearly not). Personally I think there is a need to re-build that platform, to see oneself for who they "truly" are and to actually put a full stop of trying to meet and be the person worthy of their parent(s) love, affection, admiration and respect. At the end of the day if they can't bestow unconditional and equal love unto the child they created and brought into this world just how much love and loyalty do they perhaps deserve back. I would imagine letting go of such a oppressive platform could feel like moving mountains in comparison, but perhaps emptying that murky glass of the image of oneself that has been placed upon them and filling a new one based upon their true worth is the speedy progression in the long term. Just my thoughts, I'm no health professional etc, but it makes sense to me. One more thing your subscriber base coupled with all the positive feedback has got to be testament to your good character, your demeanour and how you compose and conduct yourself in life. Personally I would describe you as very level headed who has great integrity and who does right by others. Adam you are a rare breed and a shining example others perhaps could only aspire to... Much love and respect to you and wishing you speedy progress in "ALL" of your endeavours. ❤❤

You know what I see? I see a cross in the background - so God is with you - have you ever tried to turn to him as well? I also see a young man just not knowing what life is all about, yet you've overcome some doubt. You have a beautiful voice just get rid of all the noise. There are no failures in life only lessons to be learned, keep on seeking for answers and you will find them. All the best to you!

Wow it’s been 6 months? I remember when you first started. The journey has been great to experience alongside you from your videos and to more discoveries in the future! ;)

I found after a therapy session, I reflected on it to keep myself in check that I was getting what I needed from it, even if that session was painful of what it brought up and so on. I found that I gained some confidence in looking into aspects of myself and its causes that may have brought up a lot of pain but having the courage to face it nevertheless. The feelings that accompany this kind of journey is constantly in flux and that is ok as long as the trajectory is towards healing.👍

How are you getting on pal? I'm much the same, 46 and at my mum's.i'm bipolar and cfs sufferer, I'm lucky I live in Cornwall and by the sea which helps, life isn't exactly how I imagined it, I can't work (well for the last few years) and haven't got a girlfriend/wife kids etc, but there you go. hope you're better these days

7:08 could this be one of your root issues? That on some level you don't want to actively move your life forward because you've found a source of support and validation from people who may disappear if your situation changes?

British society as a whole is in mental break down.. From ruler of the world dwarfed after 2 stupid WW's into a country same size and power as Czechia. Ur elites stil aint paying taxes... while the rest of society/blue collar workers do..( schools, healthcare, elderly care, infrastructure/roads). This in itself is a criminal act... Not paying taxes over wealth, income, property since 1981 after oil, energy, system crisis the west after 1979. Plus using blue collar tax money to fund stupid proxy wars... instead of the owners, billionaires pay for their games... From 1970s inclusive societies in the west into exclusive ones with no social mobility anymore... last 40 years.. Thats make society, people and u cringe. Under Eisenhower elites/owners paid fair share to society 92% tax.... After Reaganomics 1981 just 2% And England all is owned by ur queen.. so all are enslaved including the rich/elites.. also 90% tax. Under Thatcher it became possible to hide this accumulated wealth... with anonymous trust-man overseas/abroad banking.... If u see utube videos of a vibrant 1978 Blackpool.. its because back then normal people still had buying/spending power. Compared to now, idle standing empty, rats filled Blackpool. U get it Adam.. Its not u.. its the environment ur in... is depressive... Elites/owners should pay again and in behind last 40 years taxes to be solidarity... and made to be pushed to make their idle standing factories work again.. Once this is accomplished.. Blackpool will be Vibrant again. And u will be a happy man... I am not a communist, fascist and also not a capitalist... But they send me to labotory school when i was younger... Where u learn to discriminate, determinate and make solid conclusion. same as an accountant... Credit, debet and what is under the line left... Do ur calculations.. and u see. numbers dont lie.. people, newspapers etc do. especially the dramaqueens (elites) and manipulative, narcissists, lairs... Those are the ones who let U feel ur to blame and feel out of order... Its not u... its them.

For me depression is something I have no control over, it is often bound in mood swings that just happens. It is kinda like the shadow you are talking about, it comes and go all the time. No longer break before it is back again.

Bro hit the gym, eat healthy, dress well, grow a beard, be close to God

I'm glad it's helping Adam! :D Sometimes it is very strange what causes you to behave in certain ways, and you just need someone to point it out to you and work through it together :')

i did this type of therapy too and had to quit. for me i can tell you my problems will not be solved in therapy. therapy made me "feel better" but let me put it this way - if you are mentally healthy in a sick world, the world will push you back to unhappiness soon after you leave the therapy room. i believe im in despair because of external circumstances and my positioning in life and in society. so my issue is social, not psychological. i wanna share this with others, because therapists typically wont tell you, as they would lose a client (source of income). i had to figure out myself. i was telling my therapist for months and months over and over again in different words that im still at the same miserable spot in life, and she would just smile at me, listen to me, and take my money. eventually i decided its not worth it. edit : mentioned in the video, yes im journaling instead.

I am in the same situation, sometimes I think of ending it all.

Most people seem to be both not me tho I’m a humble guy 😊 don’t listen to the assholes my man. Unfortunately in life as the saying goes bad news sells…. It’s upsetting

I relate to what you’re saying. I guess they say “You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most”. So if you’re surrounded by people that don’t change, it can be hard to feel that things can change, but also vice versa. I’m finding that having a mentor is helping me

How is the therapy going Adam?

Great video Adam! As soon as the self compares it to others suffering and negatively arises. The key is not to block out negativity but to notice it, understand the feeling tone and then let it wash away. Same goes for positivity too which can also lead to suffering for those who try to hold onto it for a long time. Feelings arise and pass. Go through these like a stream flowing. Always supporting you man!

Another great vid Adam but I was floored when you said you’ve never seen Harry Potter!! I suggest you at least watch the first film, some of the themes may resonate with you (Harry feels isolated/disconnected from his real world family but finds new family and purpose at Hogwarts-key part of the first film)

Romans 10:9-10 NKJV - that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

An interesting perspective, I’ve never really studied my family that way but looking back I can see how my brother and I were destined to fail. I admire your resolve in not wanting to accept defeat but I gave up a long time ago and there’s a freedom in that.

Colonel Sanders failed repeatedly until he was able to successfully prop up his business which is KFC at the age of 60! Its never too late. keep going. you are not alone in this battle. you've got thousands of allies scattered all around the world fighting the same battle as you. Keep trying new opportunities and one day life WILL get better. Take care.

I get it man, we don't have to like our families so don't feel like you need to. Why not do a 2-3-4 person house share and get out of there dude!

In order to change a thing you have to accept that it is a certain way. If I wanted to change the colour of my hair to green, I need to accept that it is not green, but it’s brown.

Can relate to all of this almost perfectly, common dilemma of the INFP personality ;)

I DO believe in genetic determinism. I believe from the books i read and easy as well as accurate information we have nowdays that this is a real thing. This is why i believe so much in luck. I am not suggesting of course that someone should stop trying to make his/her life better but you have to ask at some point:"Where i really want to go to and why am i not being there already despite the efforts" And what are the TRUE reasons that produce this result?

Its easy to see the family as a glass ceiling or some sort of 'predetermined template'... Obvs, Its not the case. Separating & getting my own place was the best thing I ever did & now, I think more of them than I could put into words I like your vids Adam, Keep faith!!

it sounds like you're listening to jacked and stacked

Join the military for a few years bro, youll get income, self esteem a chance to travel the world. Yeah its dangerous but so is the life your living now. Much love